Three Ways to Ruin Your Relationship (Effectively!)

Paul Watzlawick once wrote a book titled Instructions for Unhappiness. A strange idea at first glance—who wants to be unhappy? But then - happiness is vague and subjective, but the road to misery? Crystal clear. So instead of chasing happiness, just avoid the classic mistakes that lead to ruin.

And what's true for life is painfully true for relationships. So, here are three dead-simple ways to destroy your relationship like a pro:

1. Always Be Nice!

Yes, really. Always being nice is a fast-track to emotional implosion. Buy the flowers. Cook their favorite dinner. Smile. Accommodate. Agree even when you don’t. And then slowly, silently, begin to loathe them.

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t agree, but I’ll let her win—no point starting an argument,” or “He won’t stop nagging about sex, so I’ll just get it over with.” - You’ve just laid the foundation for long-term resentment.

Resentment is the mold that grows in the silence of your swallowed feelings. So instead of being nice, try being honest. Say what you want. Say what you don’t want. Because nothing says "I love you" like not secretly hating your partner. The cost may be conflict. But in the long term, it's worth it!

2. Search for the Truth!

There’s an old saying: In war, truth is the first casualty. Same goes for relationships.

If you want to ruin yours, argue about what “really” happened: “That was, what you did you say at 8:32 PM on Thursday, March 14th!”

“No, I never said that! You’re twisting my words!”

This method is versatile. Either you’ll be wrong (and stew in resentment), or you’ll be right (and bask in smugness while your partner resents you). Or best of all: you’ll both be convinced you’re right and die on adjacent hills of bitterness.

Instead, remember: there is no single truth—only conflicting memories and shared delusions.

3. Make It Personal!

If something goes wrong, make sure it’s someone’s fault. Ideally your partner’s. Blame them with confidence, think of causal relations and generalize: “This always happens because you never listen!”

But maybe you’re not the confrontational type. The strategy also works the other way round —take it all on yourself. Apologize constantly. Grovel. Carry all the guilt like an emotional sherpa. Let the resentment build in private, then erupt dramatically one day because they loaded the dishwasher “wrong.”

Either way—blame them or blame yourself—what matters is that someone must be at fault.

If you want to avoid it, talk about how the two of you manage to get into these struggles.

More ways to ruin your relationship

These are only some ideas to ruin your relationship. Of course there are more ways! Please feel free to find out. And if by some accident you want to avoid this fate, you can instead be wrong sometimes, consider circumstances, and take into account that neither you nor your partner are always guilty (that I can guarantee!).